By / 19th March, 2014 / Articles /

We all have days, weeks or even month where we feel down and depressed that things are just not working out. If you have never had this experience and you have never tried to achieve something that was slightly out of your comfort zone.

Feeling this way is part of your experience, part of life and growing.

It is the natural balance we all experience, the ups and downs of life. Every up has a down that follows and every down has a new up just around the corner.

So what do we do when things go wrong and we get this feeling of being stuck?

Firstly ask yourself:

What do I like about my present situation and what don’t I like. Make a list of everything you would like to change.

Imagine you have a magic wand and you have 3 wishes, what would they be?

Most people make the mistake that they know everything they don’t like and keep focusing on that but they have no idea what it is they are actually trying to achieve.

Become clear on your perfect outcome no matter how realistic this might seem to you at this particular time.

I did a coaching session with a mother and daughter not so long ago. They had bought an expensive horse who after some time became a real hand full and the girl became scared of the horse and did not want to ride anymore. She had been to lessons with many instructors and they where able to get the horse and rider going during the lessons but when they got home the same scenario kept happening where the horse started to play up. When they came to me I decided instead of doing ‘just another riding lesson’ I would do a mindset session off the horse. We talked about what was happening I learned that the horse was unsellable the way it behaved at the present time and had also earned a bad reputation in the area but due to finances the family was not able to buy a new horse for the daughter without actually selling the existing horse.

So they felt they were stuck and it was up to them to ‘fix’ the horse first in order to sell it on and as a result the daughter had to ride it, which she was scared to do.

This is such a common scenario and so many riders find themselves stuck in similar situations.

So first of all we looked at the facts:

• Lovely horse just too much for the current rider.
• Not enough money there to just ‘cut the losses’ and buy another horse.
• We needed to find the right home for the existing horse.
• We needed to find the perfect and suitable horse for the daughter.

I spoke to them both about the ‘magic wand’ theory.

I asked them:

• What is your ideal outcome with your existing horse?
• What is your ideal horse – look like?
• What is important for you to be excited about riding again?

After establishing all the answers, mother and daughter became clearer what they actually wanted instead of being stuck on what didn’t work.

The outcome they wanted to get was to find a suitable rider for the existing horse who was more experienced and confident.
The girl wanted a horse that was smaller and not too big so she could get her confidence back.

They both wanted a horse who was well mannered on the ground and easy to handle so the daughter could go out and catch and tack up the horse by herself without needing her mum helping her all the time.

The both wanted to have fun again.

The more we talked about it the more enthusiastic the both became and they started thinking about options again.

I sent them home and asked them to do a vision board on exactly what they wanted to achieve. Instead on dwelling on what wasn’t working they needed to think about what they wanted to have and how great it would be when it all happened.

Four weeks later I received an e-mail from the mother.

She told me that they went home and her daughter was very keen on doing the vision board. As they were putting the pictures together and talking about possible options they remembered an older pony club kid who always loved there existing horse and who came from a very experienced horse family. So they decided to ring them. They spoke to the older girl and her parents and offered her the existing horse for free lease and during the conversation they told them about an older smaller horse they had themselves and didn’t use anymore.

The end result was that the daughter fell in love with the smaller slightly older horse and instantly felt safe and confident on her and the older girl was very much suited to the existing horse. They decided to free lease each others horse and it was the ideal outcome for everyone.

So the moral of the story is that if you feel down and you think the world is against you, sit down and work through some of the simple steps I gave you and start changing your thinking back to being focused on the ideal outcome.

You can do it.

Happy riding everyone.

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